Another end

Another end has arrived.. My last night in the only apartment that has entirely been mine. I remember dreading living on my own. I had no idea how I would manage, I didn't know how to cook, clean or anything about handling a house and now eight months later, I can do all of the above plus more and the thought of living with someone is the one that worries me. I guess it's the one place where I could do anything I wanted to do at any time I wanted and also one that sort of reflects all my growth, from material wealth in the form of shoes for instance ;) , to changes in taste like my dvd collection to just my emotional changes and certain memories. And now all that will growth will lose its physical evidence.
I don't know what it is about one ending that makes everything seem like its approaching its expiry date. Perhap, its just me but everything else seems so old and jaded too.
I remember how sad I felt when I had to leave my room in jakarta. I remember acccidentally leaving my charger there and having going to pick it up on my own. I sat there for fifteen minutes, with channel v going on in the background, just the side lamps switched on, and recalled all my memories there. From slyly smoking and dirnking there to sneaking boyfriends in to girly chit chats to all my various night spent up doing work to all my day dreaming. I balled like a child and that was just a room.
Here its an entire apartment and the activities are multiplied by a million. The tears, this time, are internal though. you'd think with all the places I've shifted from I would learn not to get attached but I still do it every single time.
This ever-changing life really knows how to get you down at times.